Why Does He Have To Look Like That!
by sincerely-TheBreakfastClub
Summary: Simon wakes up to huge sobs coming from the bathroom. Baz is showering and feeling bad about life. However, Simon does not know this, so he bursts in, only to find Baz... naked. Let's see where this goes, shall we?
1. Chapter 1

**Why Does He Have to Look Like** _ **That?!**_

 **Simon**

I woke up, breathing hard. Sitting up in bed, I tried to remember what nightmare had awoken me this time. It was always nightmares. It was impossible to think of a time when I wasn't constantly plagued by them. As I blinked a couple times, I realized why my sleep was interrupted. Loud sobs came out of the bathroom. I looked around the room, my eyes adjusting to the darkness and I didn't see Baz anywhere. I turned, and saw light coming from under the bathroom door.

The sobs got louder and I quickly threw the covers off of me and padded over to the bathroom. All I could hear was crying. It sounded so familiar, but I just didn't know why... Then, I realized it. This was the sound of, well, of me. It was the sound of someone who's given up. It was the sound of someone that had absolutely no words that could even come close to explaining how they felt. It was crying until you run out of tears, and you're just sitting there, gasping for air. I should know, because I'm constantly crying like that.

I pounded on the door and yelled, "BAZ! ARE YOU OKAY?!" The sobbing only got louder. I twisted the doorknob, but it was locked. I slammed my shoulder against the door but it didn't budge. "Shit," I thought. The door was still closed and now my shoulder hurt, but I was determined. Another heartbreaking sob resounded from the bathroom and I had had enough. I snatched my wand from the table, (for all I know, he's being attacked and I've just been standing here like an idiot the whole time), and I yell at the door, " **Open Sesame**!" The door flies off of its hinges and it crashes into the bathroom, knocking down the shower curtain in the process.

I stepped in and started to ask what the hell was going on, but the words got caught in my throat. I must have not heard the water running in the background, because Baz was obviously taking a shower. "Oh," was all I could think.

 **Baz**

My skin, my clothes, even my hair smelled disgusting. It was my own idiocy that caused me to eat that absolutely revolting merewolf. I hadn't fed in five days and when I walked into my room earlier, I turned on my heel and walked right back out, because as soon as I opened that door, Simon was everywhere.

I could see him, smell him, hear him, hell, I could even taste him. He glanced up from the book he was attempting to study, and looked at me with those bloody, blue eyes and all I could smell was his damn sunshiney and cinnamon scent and I could hear his crimson warm blood gushing through his veins. I was so close to just saying, "Fuck it," and climbing on top of him, shoving his head back, and draining him on the spot. But I couldn't. So I left. I was so hungry and it was already dark so I decided to catch a merewolf. They're absolutely vile creatures and they taste awful, but they had more blood than rats and I was desperate. Now I wonder if it was worth it.

As I walk back into the room, Simon smells just as tempting, maybe even more so. He looks so beautiful when he's asleep. His golden curls are spilled across his pillowcase and the moles that are splashed across his tawny skin make me want to cry. I step closer to his bed and I know I shouldn't, but I just want to reach out and lightly brush my fingers across his warm skin. So I do. He stirs, and mumbles something about scones. My lips smile slightly, because even in his sleep, the boy is dreaming about his beloved sour cherry scones. "God, I love him." I whisper this to no one, because I don't _want_ anyone to hear me. A sigh escapes me and I trudge off to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

The door closes behind me and I lock it. My clothes quickly fall to the floor as I step into the shower and yank the curtain closed. The water heats up to the point where it would probably be too much for anyone that wasn't me. The water was hot and steamy, but I was still cold. I was always cold. I hated it. I hated myself. I hated the world, because why shouldn't I? The world stole away my humanity and replaced it with the monster that murdered my beautiful mother. The world gave me a family that didn't care about me. The world made me fall in love with a boy that will never love me back. And the world made that boy my roommate.

A tear streaked down my face and I clenched my jaw, trying to hold everything back, but it was too late. More and more tears fell from my eyes and mixed with the hot water that only made me feel colder. A giant sob escaped my lips and I was so worried that Simon would hear me, that I only cried harder. My wand was sitting on the counter by the shower, so I reached out and grasped it. My hand shook as I pointed it at myself and sobbed out, "Q-Quiet-t-t as-s-s- a m-m-mous-se." I let my wand drop to the floor and a huge sob racked my body. I wasn't even going to try to stop. What was the point? I hadn't cried like this since my mother died, and it felt so good to let it all come crashing out.

Out of nowhere, I heard a faint voice. It sounded like Simon, but he was asleep, probably dreaming about scones and ways to finally end me. Just thinking about him made me cry even harder. I couldn't breathe and I was gasping and gasping for air when, "BANG!" The door flew off of it's hinges and knocked down the shower curtain that was hiding me from the world. I whipped around, and I couldn't believe it. Simon fucking Snow was standing right there, in the doorway, staring at me while I was completely naked. I. Couldn't. Believe. It.

 **Simon**

My mind was completely blank. I had forgotten how to breathe, how to move, how to think. I didn't remember my name or where I was or what I was doing there. Ironically enough, I knew exactly what was going on. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch was standing in front of me, bare-ass naked. There were so many things about Baz that I didn't know, (and didn't know I wanted to know), like how despite his tall, lanky stature, he had muscles. Baz had _muscles._ His arms were long, but he definitely had strong biceps. He had prominent shoulders andhis pale chest looked like it had been carved from marble. It was hard and smooth and flawless, with slight muscles that just defined his chest even more. His lower abdomen had the shadow of a six pack and when my eyes darted further down, my slightly pink face now flushed a deep red. I was so fucked. I quickly looked up to meet his grey eyes. They were wet. Well technically, every part of him was wet, (he was showering for fucks sake), but his eyes glistened and they were a little puffy underneath. Well, he was crying pretty hard before I…. uh… interrupted. "Fuck," I breathed, because that was all I could think to say.

 **Baz**

Obviously my spell didn't work. He totally heard me crying. It's just like him, you know. Something's wrong and he has to rip the fucking door off of it's fucking hinges. Then I wondered if he was actually worried about me. I quickly banished the thought, because I had more pressing issues at hand. Simon was staring at me with wide eyes. His eyes moved from my shoulders, to my chest, then to my lower abdomen. When his eyes went lower, he flushed a deep red and I suddenly became very insecure and nervous and decided it was now time to freak out.

I frantically reached out for my towel and quickly wrapped it around my waist. Unfortunately, in my emotional wreck, I had a grabbed a towel barely bigger than a washcloth and now, it's made very little difference. Finally, my embarrassment and shock morphed into anger and I exploded. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, SNOW?!" He wouldn't meet my eyes and kept looking at his feet as he wrung his hands and stammered out, "I-I-I….t-tried...heard..h-heard crying….h-help…I-I d-don't know….sh-shower….I…..I'll l-leave." He turned around, stumbled, then muttered something under his breath so quiet that the only reason I could hear it was my enhanced senses. "He's evil… why does he have to look like _that_?! He's, like, kinda hot. I-I mean, what? Shit, Baz, fuck." My whole face flushed pink and felt really warm. Leave it to Simon Snow to make a fucking vampire blush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Simon**

I buried my face deeper into my pillow and wished that I wasn't so bloody nice. _You just had to barge in there and see if he was okay, didn't you? Why do you even care? He doesn't give a shit about you, so why would you worry about him?_ I honestly didn't know. It's funny how I had all the questions but I never had the answers. I guess it was because he just sounded so much like I did when I was done with the bloody world. It was like listening to a mirror. Wait, what? That doesn't make any sen- my stupid thoughts were interrupted by Baz muttering a spell at the bathroom door.

I lifted my head off the pillow a few inches, and I watched it blink a couple times, like it was gaining a new life from a video game, and was suddenly fixed. I would have to ask him about that later. For now, I needed to focus on the task at hand. Acting like I was asleep even though we both knew damn well I was wide awake.

He messed around in the bathroom for a few more minutes, probably doing his insane teeth cleaning routine. _God, he's so fucking stuck up._ The newly fixed door slowly opened and the light flicked off, the darkness swallowing our room. I could hear Baz pad across the floor to his bed. The bed creaked a little and Baz wrestled with the covers before stilling. The silence was unnatural, and we were both breathing uneasily. He shifted around, and after a few minutes, his breaths were more far apart and even. A soft sigh made it past my lips and into the quiet of the room as I peeled away from the pillow I had been hiding in. Finally comfortable, my eyes closed and my muscles relaxed… until it felt like I was being watched. My eyes fluttered open, and then grew wide. _That bastard! Staring at me while I'm sleeping, who does he think he is?! Why would he be staring at me anyways? He has nothing to stare at me fo-_ I blushed a deep red as all the images from the bathroom fiasco flashed through my mind.

 **Baz**

As the initial shock of bloody Simon Snow seeing me without any clothes on and then putting his insanely interesting comment away to be thought about when I allowed myself to think about those things, I began to complete the tasks I had come to the bathroom for in the first place. I started to reach for my deep-cleaning toothbrush, (being an always hungry vampire is not easy, especially when it comes to your whole mouth always tasting like fucking rat blood), but I stopped because the bloody door was still on the ground, tangled up with the shower curtain. I scooped up my wand from the floor and stepped outside of the bathroom, grumbling about how much of a fucking idiot Snow is sometimes.

As I pointed my wand at the door, I muttered a spell I had been curious about trying. " **Fix It, Felix!** " Ever since I watched that annoying Disney movie with Mordelia, I couldn't help but wonder if there was even a bit of magic behind the words. (Disney movie spells usually had pretty good results, seeing how popular and widespread they were) Obviously there was, because the door disappeared and reappeared, like how Felix gained a new life when he died in the movie, until the door was safely back on it's hinges.

I finished up in the bathroom and let my vampire eyesight take over as I turned off the light, and as the darkness swept over the room. My lips turned up to a smirk as I watched Snow bury his face into his pillow and act like he was asleep. If he didn't want to face me and be a big boy, fine. I had regained my cool and could take him on any time. I was ready for anything he could think to throw at me. I slipped into my bed and messed around with the covers until I was comfortable. Then, I stopped moving and was silent.

Snow tensed, so I started to exaggerate my breathing, slowing it until I was breathing nice and even. He sighed and lifted his face from his pillow shifting himself so he was somewhat faced towards me. I turned to face him, believing I was composed enough to resist Snow's sleepy features. I just had to look at him, especially after those insanely confusing and absolutely crazy words he muttered under his breath. I just had to. He relaxed and his eyes fluttered closed. I was wrong, because as soon as my eyes found his closed ones, my breath hitched in my throat and I felt so damn defeated. What was the fucking point anymore. He hated me and I…. _I just loved him so, so much._ All of a sudden his eyes flew open, and he blushed a deep red as he met my focused stare. Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Simon**

Based on the very strange and intense staring contest I had gotten myself into, (somehow), I assumed he wanted an explanation for the earlier, uh, 'events'. There wasn't any other logical reason for why I had woken up to Baz's eyes staring deep into my own. His eyes were dark grey, and especially at night, his eyes resemble black pools of… blackness, I guess. (I'm bloody terrible when it comes to like, speaking words). But tonight, as moonlight from the window I always keep open slowly streams in, and illuminates Baz's sharp features, my breath gets caught in my throat. His eyes seem so silverand the look he's giving me is so dreamy and dazed that it caught me by surprise.

In all of the many years I have known this insufferable git, I have never seen him looking at anyone the way he's looking at me. His normally stoic face is showing more emotion than I would have ever thought possible. Baz looks angry, (because of me, most likely), and he even looks embarrassed, which is a surprise in itself. But what confused me the most, was the crestfallen look of longing that was shown so damn clearly. _Of all the things to make the great Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch's emotionless mask fall….. What the fuck was he thinking about?_

 **Baz**

Snow's beautiful blue eyes were staring deeply into mine and I was so surprised to find him awake, I just froze, desperately wishing myself to be anywhere but here, instead of being entrapped in Simon Snow's questioning gaze. But I can't look away. His expression is priceless, because he looks confused, annoyed, and a little surprised, but since he just woke up and half of his mess of golden curls are matted against the side of his face and he still has sleep in those blue, blue eyes, he looks like a cranky toddler who was just awoken from a nap. It's fucking adorable. The smart thing to do would've been to roll over and go to sleep or at least close my fucking eyes, but I was not a smart man when it came to the beautiful disaster that is Simon Snow. I opened my mouth to say something and instantly regretted it. "What do you want now, Snow?" _Fuck._

 **Simon**

A wave of anger washed over me as I listened to his tired words. _He was the one staring at me!_ "Why were you staring at me while I was trying to bloody sleep?" Damn. The words rolled off my tongue before I could stop them. That cocky bastard would fire insults and sarcastic remarks until I was about to go off or kill him or both. I really didn't want to do this.

 **Baz**

Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? I was exhausted and I didn't want fight him, but of course, I just had to respond because as you know, my life's one goal is to make Simon Snow's life as miserable as possible. I sighed, "Don't flatter yourself, Snow."

"You didn't answer my question," he whispered harshly as his eyes narrowed with annoyance.

"Go to sleep, Snow," I grumbled

"No!" he exclaimed fiercely.

"Just drop it, Snow."

"What are you plotting, Baz?" he growled through clenched teeth. The sound sent chills down my spine, (I swear his growls will be the death of me), and I scoffed.

"Nothing, Snow."

"Bollocks. Why were you really staring at me?" he asked in a very frustrated tone.

"Just because you think everyone in the world is in love with you doesn't mean they are," I replied cooly. "And as much as you'd like to believe that, it's simply not the case. When in reality, you fail at the simplest of spells, you go off like an H-bomb when you can't control your fucking emotions, and you're overall the worst Chosen One to ever have been chosen."

"And yet, _you_ were still fucking staring at me while I bloody sleep!" Well, that was a surprise. I expected more of an angry, stuttered, half-assed comeback rather than him actually causing me to think, _shit, he has a point._ To be completely honest, I didn't really know what to say, and let me tell you, that's an impressive feat. I could tell my silence was confusing the bloody hell out of Snow, but I couldn't let him think he had actually caught me off guard. I racked my brain for anything to throw back at him. _C'mon Pitch, get it together. This is Simon Snow, not the bloody Queen._ Then I just said the first thing that popped into my head.

"Is that so? Than why did you mutter, 'He's, like, kinda hot' under your breath after you saw me naked?" I swear, I could hear Simon's heart stop.


	4. Chapter 4

**Simon**

I froze. He wasn't supposed to hear that. I wasn't supposed to think that. And yet, here we are. And what a fucked up place that is. As soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth, I knew I was completely and utterly fucked. I hadn't meant to say those words, they kinda just slipped out. I'd like to think it was a general observation rather than an actual opinion but now I'm not so sure. I mean, I was _worried_ when he was crying.Like legitimately worried about him. And I've NEVER worried about him before. Well, maybe I worry a _little_ …. but only when I don't know where he is or what he's doing, but it's like, not even that much….. I had no idea. Who knows why I said it. I certainly don't. So I did what I always do when I can't think, I stopped thinking.

 **Baz**

I cringed, my eyes squeezing shut as I waited for the fiery smell of burning pine trees. I waited for the angry growls and the crackling magick. I waited for him to go off and maybe this time, he would take me with him. But nothing happened. For awhile. I didn't hear anything for a long time, except the frantic beating of his heart, and eventually it slowed, in time with his steady breaths. _If I fucking open my eyes and I see that he is bloody asleep, I will kill him._ I cautiously opened my eyes... Unbelieveable. He's asleep. _Of course he's asleep. Of course. Bloody fan-fucking-tastic._ I sighed loudly, exhaling through my mouth like he does. (Stupid mouth breather.) I ran my fingers through my hair as I stared up at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be sodding terrible but what else is new. Maybe he would answer me. Maybe he would forget it ever happened. I closed my eyes, my aching muscles settling into my lumpy mattress, and I wished for empty dreams.

 **Simon**

Normally, the mornings give me the chance to be loud and obnoxious and purposefully knock into things in order wake Baz up, because he's usually just grumpy rather than dangerous. His grey eyes are filled with sleepy sadness and his hair is always a little wavy, with tiny curls he thinks I can't see, that he tucks behind his ears. But once he's spent about 5 fucking hours in the bathroom, he always walks out looking bloody perfect. With his purposeful stride, raven black hair that lines up flawlessly with his sharp jawline, and a merciless smirk that plays upon his lips. This morning is different. I don't want to wake him up, I don't want to see his sleepy eyes or secret curls. I just want to not think about the things demanding to be thought about. It's easier.

I quietly slip out of bed, the floor chilly under my bare feet. I rustle through my wardrobe, grabbing clothes with silent speed. As I tug a shirt over my unruly mess of curls, I hear rustling over on Baz's side of the room. I sneak a glance his way, and relief floods through me. He's still sleeping, with an arm thrown over his eyes, as if he's shielding himself from seeing something he didn't want to see. The side of Baz's shirt has slipped down his shoulder, exposing pale, ivory skin and a sharp collarbone. There's a lot of Baz that looks sharp enough cut glass, his cheekbones, his shoulder blades, his hips, his mouth… sometimes he looks so deadly and so edged that I'm afraid I'd cut myself if I touched him. Sometimes I want to see if I'm right.

I step carefully across the room, opening the door and closing it, just as noiselessly. I turn, and bound happily down the steps, taking two at a time, excited to have made it past the sleepy vampire with sharp edges, and to be so early to the dining hall for my glorious sour cherry scones. Not thinking had never been better.

 **Baz**

I wake to an eerie silence, as if a loud sound had suddenly gone quiet. As I sit up, swinging my long legs out of bed, I realize what's missing. Or rather _who_ is missing. "Simon," I growl, with irritation and anger. That sneaky bastard made sure he didn't wake me up so I wouldn't have a chance to ask about last night. And now I was going to be late for Elocution, thanks to the bloody tosser. He wasn't getting rid of me this easily. No fucking way. This was Tyrannus Basilton Pitch he was dealing with, and I wanted a fucking answer. And I was going to get one.

 **Simon**

Classes today were fairly easy, and I had a couple ideas for my end of eighth year spell project. I had been looking at this particular song that had been around for awhile and the Normals never seemed to tire of it. (You had to be careful with song lyrics. If the song is suddenly popular and is said/sung a lot, the magick can be very powerful. But if the song gets old and isn't liked anymore, the spell can turn on you faster than you can say 'Uptown Funk'.) This song was different. I think it was called Behemoth Rapsong or something. I really wanted to try this one line, " **Spare him his life from this monstrosity** ". It sounded really wicked.

I was in a good mood, especially since Baz was at football practice, and wouldn't be back until dinner time, and I'd be long gone by then, most likely stuffing my face with roast beef. (My stomach rumbled just thinking about it.) So when I opened the door to our room, my positive mood turned sour. He was lying on his bed, with a book in his lap and his legs crossed at the ankles. _Jesus Christ he's such a stuck up prick!_ I groaned, and muttered, "Ah, fuck me," under my breath. Obviously I must not of been as quiet as I had hoped, because his grey eyes flashed with amusement and the corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

"It's nice to see you too, Snow." I flipped him off as I set my books down on my bed. "Oh my, obscene finger gestures from such a _pristine_ boy," he replied mockingly.

"Sod off, ya tosser."

"And why would I want to do that when we have so much to talk about?" he replied evilly, a mischievous smirk sending shivers down my spine. He slipped off the bed, and practically sauntered over to me. I started to back away, my feet shuffling back reflexively until I felt a wall pressed behind me. He crept forward, his stormy grey eyes locked onto mine, as fear and slight curiosity spiked it's way into my stomach.

"W-w-what are y-you doing," I sputtered out as his hand rested on the wall beside me, next to my head, trapping me.

"You thought you could get away," he whispered, his breath cool on my very red and very flushed face, "but you can't escape me, Simon." I shuddered at the sound of my name coming from his ghostly pale lips. It was so strange. He's never called me Simon, never. And I think I _liked_ it.

 **Baz**

I have no fucking idea what the fuck I'm doing. I am so losing it. But it's working. So I keep going.

"Answer my question," I lean in even closer, my lips just barely brushing his ear, " _Simon."_ He yelps, turning an even darker shade of red, if that's even possible, and he won't meet my gaze. I take his chin with my free hand, and turn him so his wide, blue eyes stare into mine. He shivers at my touch, and I pretend not to notice the way his breath hitches when I slowly run my thumb across his jawline.

"B-but… y-you and A-a-gatha-a and…."

"Oh Simon," I whisper, "you still haven't figured it out yet. The only thing straight about me is my gorgeous hair, and even then," I shrugged letting my body language finish my sentence. His eyes clouded with confusion as he processed my words, and then flashed with clarity. I had no idea where all this was coming from, but me and my perverse fantasies were probably at fault. I had just wanted a confession. Anything I might of said in the process could be brushed off as a way to get him to talk. I had nothing to lose. Except absolutely everything, because as soon as he realized what I was saying, the determined look in his eyes and the set of his jaw made me question _everything_. And then he did the unexpected. He smiled a smile that was evil and smug and sneaky and it made my knees go weak to the point I was glad I was leaning against a wall. He didn't stop there. He wrapped an arm around my neck, pulling me down, pulling me towards him so close our noses were touching. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't move. He opened his mouth and whispered, "Baz, you wanted an answer, so here it is. I think you're hot as fuck." And without missing a beat, Simon put his hand on my cheek, and kissed me with no hesitation.

 **Penny**

My knuckles rapped smartly on the door as I pushed it open. (Simon never cared if I knocked or not, it was Baz we had to watch out for. I wasn't worried though, Baz was at football practice.) My eyes quickly scanned the room, and I was a bit shocked to see Baz here, well the back of him anyways. _Wait, where was Simon?_ I stepped farther into the room, trying to see where my best friend was... And that's when I saw him, or rather the parts of him that weren't totally wrapped around his roommate. I cleared my throat, trying to disrupt the frantic snogging going on right in front of me, but they were both much too busy. _Aleister Crowley, this is getting annoying._

"HEY SIMON," I yelled, raising my annoyed voice, "WHATCHA DOING THERE?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Simon**

His words sent shivers down my spine as I tried to comprehend what he said. ' _Only thing straight about me is my hair'… Oh my god. Baz is gay. But why would he tell me that..?_ I thought about this for a moment, (it wasn't everyday your evil roommate verifies his sexuality), before realisation hit me like a fucking truck. But... I had no explanation for what happened next. My lips curled up into a naughty smile and my arm wrapped around his neck; toying with his ebony hair as it slipped through my fingers. Baz's expression was the best thing I had ever seen on his pale, haunted face. He looked scared, like I had something of his and he really didn't want me to break it, but there was something else etched into him I had never noticed before. It was want and it was longing. "I want! I want! I want!", his eyes screamed the words over and over until I figured it out. _I want it too._

I whispered something then, and it must of been good, because Baz flushed a beautiful shade of pink. My blood thrummed with too much excitement to concentrate on whatever came out of my mouth, and my mind consisted of three words on repeat. "I. Want. Baz." My free hand found Baz's now lightly tinted cheek and I pressed my lips against his. And then everything exploded.

His fingers flew to my curls, tugging and pulling them as if that was all he ever wanted to do. His cool lips pushed roughly against mine and I couldn't stop. It was electric. One of his arms snaked around my waist, dragging me away from the wall I was backed into, until I was completely pressed against him instead. I jutted my chin forward, my mouth fighting his annoyingly soft and smooth lips. _It's always fighting with us. Why would this be any different?_ Then I told myself to shut the bloody hell up and focus on the fact that Baz's tongue was sliding between my parted lips.

Baz tasted like smoke and mint and… _was that chocolate?_ _That arse got into my stash of Aero mint bars again!_ But then he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and his taste flooded my mind. _Who cares, he can eat as many as he wants if he's going to taste like a fucking chocolate bar!_ I dropped one of my arms and decided to wrap it around Baz's slender waist. Baz was all long limbs and sharp edges. I loved it.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, a sound was registered. I thought I heard someone open the door and clear their throat, but I was much too busy to care. Then I heard her, because one does not simply ignore Penelope Bunce.

"HEY SIMON, WHATCHA DOING THERE?"

 **Baz**

As soon as Bunce made herself known, Simon ripped himself away from me so fast I'm not sure he didn't use magic. It hurt a little, honestly, that he felt like getting away from me was the solution to our current issue. Which is all Bunce's fault. I whipped around, a snarling look on my face and a low growl in my throat. (No, growling isn't beneath me. I mean, I can't help that Snow's little sounds are always being replayed in my mind whenever I'm feeling weak. Which is always.) I start to speak, words being shot like bullets, because she just ruined my first kiss with Simon bloody Snow. _Simon Snow._ I am going to kill her.

But then she slowly turned towards me, her face a mask of confusion and focus, like she's trying to decipher the meaning of an old, philosophical spell, and her cat-eye glasses glinted dangerously in the low afternoon sun. She glared at me with eyes that practically screamed the words "Shut. Up. If. You. Want. To. Not. Die." I automatically shut my mouth, and swallowed rather roughly as my hands loosened my suddenly constricting tie. _Me? Afraid of Penelope Bunce? Never! … Oh, who was I kidding? Penelope Bunce was terrifying._ Snow also started to speak, sputtering out incoherent sentences like a child learning to talk, until Bunce's steely gaze made him fall silent.

She took turns staring Snow and I down; banishing every thought to move or to speak without her permission. She was trying so hard to figure us both out it was almost comical. But I didn't dare laugh. Her bright red curls bounced wildly as she looked at us, the floor, the ceiling, the wall, and back again. The determination in her piercing eyes was scary. I don't think I'd ever seen her like this before. She was so… intimidating. And then she did the strangest thing. She started _laughing_.

Her laugh slashed through the tension strung out all over the room, and Snow and I exchanged nervous glances. Tears started to roll from her squeezed shut eyes as she clutched her stomach and gasped for air. She started wheezing, and I bet I had an absolutely baffled look on my face. I didn't know what to think. She tried to collect herself, but she ended up dissolving into a fit of giggles and I rolled my eyes. _I think I've got her all figured out until I don't. Merlin, what is she losing her bloody mind over?_

She slowly calms down, a few little laughs still slipping out of her mouth, and turns her glittering eyes towards Snow. She has nothing but dangerous intelligence and mischief written across her face. _Fuck._

 **Penny**

My mind races as I tried to figure out the two hopeless idiots in front of me. After efficiently shutting both of them up, I now have the time to properly think about why Simon was snogging the bloody hell out of Baz. _Obviously there's something between them that wasn't there before… or was there?_ I shifted my gaze ever so often, going from Simon, to Baz, and then various places around the room just to keep them on their toes. I _had_ to solve this. Simon is my number one priority, and it's my job as his best friend to figure out these kind of things. I don't even think _he_ knows what's going on, (but that doesn't surprise me, Simon rarely knows was going on, and even less when it concerns him.) _I love that boy to pieces, but he can be such a bloody idiot sometimes!_

Baz turns his head a bit, and I follow his gaze to see him looking intently at Simon. Simon has his eyes glued to the floor, (oblivious as usual), and his face and neck are a bit flushed… _Oh Merlin and Morgana, what have I gotten myself into? These boys will be the death of me, I guarantee it._ A smile slowly spread across my face as the situation became clearer and clearer. The pieces clicked and I started to laugh. Their reactions made me laugh even harder. I could feel the tension melt away and I think Simon even started to smile. I tried to calm down, my stomach ached and I could feel wet tears slide down my face, but giggles still escaped me. Basilton rolled his eyes, and I decided I would deal with him later. Simon needed my help... but who's to say I couldn't embarrass him in the process?

 **Simon**

I had ripped myself away from Baz's strong embrace and I felt ultimately colder without his arms around me. Penny silenced his angry retorts and my lame excuses with a wicked glare. She was deep in thought, her questioning gaze going back and forth between the two of us as I sat quietly on my bed and waited for the tension to slowly kill me. I stared at the floor as if it had all the answers I was so desperate for, and when it didn't, I glanced up to see Baz's stormy grey eyes boring into mine. I quickly looked back to the ground and felt myself flush bright red. _Dammit Penny! Things were just fine, more than fine actually, before you came in!_ All of a sudden, my head jerked up to see Penny clutching her stomach as contagious laughs bubbled from her lips. I couldn't help but smile, especially when Penny tried to calm down and instead dissolved into a peal of giggles. Her curls bounced wildly as she shook her head and wiped away a couple tears, her breath a little ragged from laughing so much. Unfortunately, the smile was wiped from my face when she raised her all-knowing eyes and an impish smile played upon her lips.

"Oh my dear Simon, what am I going to do with you?"

"What do you mean Penny," I ask cautiously, not knowing what direction this conversation might go in.

"I've figured you out Simon Snow, and it's so funny that you haven't!"

"Figured out what?"

"Why you're so obsessed with Baz! You don't want to kill him and you most certainly don't hate him, you _like_ him." Penny responded, rather matter-of-factly. That's when I started choking on my own spit and she whacked me on the back a couple times before continuing.

"It explains why you followed him around all of fifth year and why you talk about him nonstop. It's why you were so worried and paranoid when he was gone at the beginning of the this year and how relieved you were when he came back. And it's why you describe his eyes like a fucking 18th century poet, Merlin Simon, how did you not know?"

Baz snickers and is overall looking very smug, until Penny turns around, fast as lightning, and shouts at him, "Oh no lover boy, I don't think so!" She marches over to him and presses a finger accusingly against his chest. "You think you're so subtle Basilton, when you stare at Simon with hearts for eyes from across the dining hall every day like a fucking cartoon! You think you can play it off by checking out Agatha, but you can't. I see right through your tough, scary exterior and do you know what's behind it?"

We're both too scared to answer.

"It's nothing but sappy desire for Simon to snog you senseless because of your huge, puppy dog crush on him! Bloody hell Baz, how stupid do you take me for?"

Baz opens his mouth, probably to make a snide remark, but Penny cuts him off. "Don't answer that. What I want to know is how this-" she gestures to Baz and I, "whole snogging thing started. Would someone care to explain?"

 **Baz**

Well, fuck. Bunce really has me in a box here. After her detailed rant about me and my (very accurate) feelings toward Simon, I feel rather… empty. Loose. It feels _good_ to have everything out in the open, and it wasn't even me that got it there. And it looks like things aren't as one-sided as I thought. But now, Bunce has the audacity to ask how this whole terrible wonderful mess happened. Snow and I didn't say a word.

"I'm not leaving until someone tells me," Penny smirked, her voice confident, as if she knows she's already won. _This is Penelope Bunce we're dealing with. She won the second she stepped into the room._ I decided to try and keep the small shred of dignity I still possessed, so I let Snow start talking. He stumbled over his words, trying to tell the story of last night in a way that would make sense. He began to stutter and it got hard to understand him when he tried to explain what he said to me after my shower, so I took it from there. I flashed Snow a sneaky grin as I proudly told Bunce his _exact_ words. She just laughed and told Simon that the next time he felt like barging in on my shower to see me naked, he should check with her first. He looked so embarrassed. His cheeks were painted a deep red and his curls were falling in front of his wide eyes. It was pretty adorable. _Merlin, when does Simon not look adorable? Fuck I'm hopeless._

By the time we've gotten Bunce all caught up, she's looking at Simon and I like we are this wondrous secret she gets all to herself. Bunce asked us if we're 'together' now but I honestly didn't know how to answer that. I looked at Snow to see his response, but he just gave me a dopey that was too big for his face.

"Hey Penny, you can leave now." Simon said while still looking at me. His lips have curled up into a mischievous smile and his eyes are _extremely_ suggestive. _Crowley…_

 **Penny**

 _Merlin and Morgana am I glad I walked into Simon and Baz's room today! I don't think I've ever seen Simon blush that much… or Baz for that matter._ Listening to Simon try and explain why he said Baz looked 'kinda hot' was probably the most hilarious moment of my life. I don't regret a single moment of it because these boys were more dramatic than a reality tv show.

"Hey Penny, you can leave now." Simon said while looking at Baz in a way that I never want to think about again.

"Sheesh Simon, I can take a hint," I remarked as I walked towards the door. Simon followed me and held the door open as I stepped out. But before the door could close, I popped my head back in and said to Simon, "Have fun seducing your vampire!"

"Nobody's seducing a vampire!" Simon protested, but the door is already shut.

I heard a muffled yell from Baz, "Yes you were Simon! What were you literally doing 5 seconds ago?"

"You called me Simon!"

"No I didn't!"

I heard more shouting until it abruptly stoped. Curiosity got the best of me and I tried to hear what was going on. All of a sudden, something is slammed into the door and a minute later I heard a low moan. _Nope! Did not need to hear that!_ I made my way down the winding staircase and sighed. "Well boys, carry on then."


End file.
